Welcome to Tomorrow Golf League TODAY. Each week from now until the end of TGL’s inaugural season, we will meet here to recap all the physical, virtual and physical-virtual action from the world’s most-hyped professional simulator golf league. But this isn’t any old play-by-play. No, no. That requires too much writing. Instead, we will break down the week’s winners and losers via the most scientific form of analysis known to humanity: Superlatives.
Newman, of “Seinfeld” infamy, once opined that Tuesdays have no feel. That was far from the case this week, however, as New York Golf Club arrived at the SoFi Center seeking redemption and Atlanta Drive G.C. soothed their opening-night jitters through the power of … dance? Needless to say, TGL Week 3 gave us plenty to unpack, so let’s get into it.
This Week’s Match:
Atlanta Drive G.C. – 4, New York Golf Club – 0
Best Performance: Justin Thomas
JT CAME TO PLAY! 🗣️ pic.twitter.com/bXWES8YOsw
— Atlanta Drive GC (@atlantadrivegc) January 22, 2025
JT began the night in relatable fashion, begging his opening tee shot to “please go straight,” but he didn’t have to do much pleading from there. He made up for his wayward tee shot on the par-5 4th by draining a 25-footer to save par and poured in a pressure-packed seven-footer on the 8th to tie the hole. Then, after winning his first hole singles, he hit another one from Steph Curry range on the 13th, sinking a 23-foot par putt to keep New York Golf Club off the board. He did all his while running his mouth all night, proving that he might be one of the few PGA Tour pros who’s actually Built For This.
Worst Performance: Matthew Fitzpatrick
Tuesday was odd for New York Golf Club, who were much better tee-to-green than they were on opening night and lost by the smallest margin in TGL so far, yet still failed to put a single point on the board. They outdrove Atlanta Drive by an average of ten yards while hitting more fairways and greens in regulation. That means the match came down to putting, and NYGC made nothing all night as Atlanta Drive holed them from Fort Lauderdale and beyond. Since Matthew Fitzpatrick is supposed to be NYGC’s best putter, the blame falls to him. That might not be entirely fair, but heavy is the head that wears the Workday hat.
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Dirtiest Bird: Billy Horschel
Billy Chainz 💯
📺 ESPN/ESPN+
pic.twitter.com/CNPqMDLiJt— PGA TOUR (@PGATOUR) January 22, 2025
If you thought Tiger Woods walking out to “Eye of the Tiger” with every fog machine in Florida blasting was wild, then God only knows what Billy Horschel’s entrance did to your short pants on Tuesday. Horschel set the tone for his amusingly off-kilter evening by entering the SoFi Center doing the “Dirty Bird” dance with a glimmering chain around his neck, an homage Atlanta Drive G.C. owner Arthur Blank’s Atlanta Falcons. Horschel is no Jamal Anderson (Google that name, kiddos), but it was still a fun way to start the night and a reminder that golf is better when these guys embrace their dorkiness.
The Camilo Villegas Lifetime Achievement Award for Unconventional Green Reading: Matthew Fitzpatrick
We already spoke about Matthew Fitzpatrick’s struggles on the SoFi Center putting surface, but things got even worse on Tuesday when the 2022 U.S. Open winner was seen lying flat on his stomach in an eyebrow-raising attempt to read the rotating green. Unfortunately for Fitzy, the acrobatics didn’t make much of a difference, as he sunk just one putt—a 4’ 3” knee-knocker—all night. If we were the Spider-Man, we’d file a cease-and-desist before this gets out of hand.
Bromance of the Night: Ja Rule and J.R. Smith 
Megan Briggs/TGL
On Tuesday, Ja Rule and J.R. Smith were seen chilling in the stands together, torsos remarkably upholstered. We have no idea if Ja Rule has picked up the sticks later in the life, but this is the buddy golf comedy the world needs.
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Wondering if Juan Soto Can Play Golf: Steve Cohen
The New York Mets’ billionaire owner was in attendance on Tuesday to watch his New York Golf Club end up on the wrong end of the first shutout in TGL history. The loss dropped New York Golf Club to 0-2 on the season, and as long as Xander Schauffele is riding the pine, it’s hard to imagine NYGC mounting a Mets-inspired second-half surge. Cohen is one of the few American sports owners who seems to hate losing almost as much as his players and you could almost see the wheels turning: For $765 million, could Soto roll some putts?
Best New Innovation: Express Aimpoint
The “Dirty Bird” wasn’t the only dance Billy Horschel busted out on Tuesday night. Much to the chagrin of his teammate Justin Thomas, Horschel was seen penguin waddling over Atlanta Drive’s putting lines throughout the match in an attempt to adapt the aimpoint method to TGL’s 40-second shot clock. As silly as it looked, you can’t argue with the results, as Atlanta Drive sunk over 65 feet worth of putts to pull away. Combined with Patrick Cantlay’s peppy pace of play, this proves that these guys can move faster when properly incentivized.
We Hammer Knew Ye: The Hammer
Tuesday was a tough night for Hammer fans. For the first time in TGL’s extremely brief history, the Hammer was not thrown as Justin Thomas stashed the yellow towel in his back pocket for safekeeping. The keep-away strategy paid off for Atlanta Drive, who kept NYGC at arm’s length all night, but it also showed that the Hammer is not the game-changer it was designed to be. At least not yet. We might eat our words next week if the match comes down to a single point (we can dream, can’t we?), but so far the Hammer has mostly served to make big leads even bigger.
Footjoy-in-Mouth Moment of the Night: Billy Horschel on keeping the match close
About halfway through the evening’s festivities, Billy Horschel was interviewed by ESPN’s Marty Smith. During the interview, an amped-up Horschel casually mentioned that ESPN’s TGL producer “Jeff” asked Atlanta Drive to “keep it close.” Initially this seemed like a harmless joke, but the way Horschel said it was so oblique—so inscrutably neutral—that the Anakin-Padme meme slowly seeped into our Internet-ravaged subconscious like a virus.
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We’re pretty sure that Horschel didn’t accidentally give away a dirty TGL production secret live on the air. We’re almost certain it was just an innocent quip. But in today’s day and age, when the NFL is apparently scripted by little green men in UFOs and the earth’s shape is a deep-state conspiracy, we have to keep the tinfoil hats on standby.
Best New Trend: Matches ending 10 minutes early instead of 20 minutes late
Believe it or not, some of us golf writers have other things to do.
This article was originally published on golfdigest.com
