Stupid Golf Problems: Does the construction of your golf bag matter?

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There are a lot of strange etiquette hills people on social media die on. We’ve covered many of them in this “Stupid Golf Problems” space. That was sort of the genesis of it all. People have takes. Crazy ones. Contradicting ones. Show up early as a guest of a nice club, but not too early. Don’t you dare put your shoes on in the parking lot, do it in the locker room. But don’t you dare linger too long. Get something in the pro shop, but so help you God if it’s a driver headcover with the logo on it, those are for MEMBERS ONLY, you medieval serf.

Most of these are eye roll-inducing for folks with brains that have not been melted by an algorithm. However, there is one hill I’m willing to die an unpleasant death on, and I suspect most people who have played this sport before the year 2020 feel the same way.

The construction of your golf bag absolutely matters.

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If you have no idea what I’m talking about, well, you may have just told on yourself. If a specific iron’s placement in this image does not awaken a rage inside of you, then you might be what the BurnerVerse calls a “Covidian” (someone who took up the sport during the pandemic for the first time and remains blissfully unaware of the game’s traditions and etiquette standards):

In fairness to Patrick, I do not believe he is a Covidian, but a Covidian would definitely put their 5-iron in the bottom slot of their golf bag and think nothing of it. This is not OK. There are standards we do have to adhere to sometimes.

If you’re still not following, allow me to help you in a big way going forward, thus making sure no one, friends, foes or randoms will judge you based off the way your clubs are slotted in your golf bag. It’s quite simple, actually.

All drivers, woods, hybrids and even driving irons, though I doubt anyone who messed up their bag construction would own a driving iron, are to be in the very top slot of the golf bag. They are the stars of the show. The longest clubs that should be front and center and easy to slide in and out for yourself or a caddie. In the two middle slots you place irons 4/5 through 9. Ideally, three in each slot. As a man with a severe case of OCD, my personal preference is 4-5-6 in the right slot (bag facing away from you), 7-8-9 in the left slot. All of your wedges go in the bottom large slot, including the trusty PW.

As for your putter, I’m not married to any one spot, though it definitely should not be in the middle two slots. It can go in the top or the bottom, and it might depend on it being a mallet or a blade. I have a mallet, and often times I’ll find myself sliding on the headcover after three-putting for six and placing it in the top of my bag along with the woods and driver. Some days it’ll end up in the bottom. Never, ever in the middle. When you’re with a caddie, it’s whatever they prefer.

Balls? Tees? Markers? Glove? Miscellaneous accessories? That’s up to you, and up to the brand of bag. Balls should probably be in the biggest pouch facing you when the bag goes down, and tees/markers in the little pouch above it. I don’t care where you put whatever else you need.

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In the grand scheme, does this matter? Of course not. It’s a silly discussion. All of these discussions are. No one is putting you in handcuffs if the PW is in the top slot banging off the driver shaft. But we are judging you, and many times not so quietly. I’ll often see my friends’ bag construction and ask them if everything is OK in their life, because it is 100 percent a reflection on who they are as a person. A cluttered, unorganized bag is a cluttered, unorganized mind. How can you rely on this person to give the must-have five-footer a solid read when they have a 58-degree wedge in the same slot as a 5-iron?

So, actually, it does sort of matter. Buy whatever headcovers you want. Toss your shoes on in the parking lot. Linger in the locker room for an extra five minutes. But don’t you dare put your driver in the bottom slot of your golf bag and expect to be taken seriously. Take some pride in the construction of your golf bag, and everything else in your life will soon fall into place.

Do you have a “stupid” golf problem? A question you’re too ashamed to ask your close friends? A conundrum that needs to be talked out in a public forum? We’re here to help. If you have etiquette-related inquiries or just want to know how to handle some of the unique on- or off-course situations we all find ourselves in, please let us know. You can email me ([email protected]) or send me a DM on Twitter/X (@Cpowers14) or on Instagram (@cpthreeve).

This article was originally published on golfdigest.com