Golfpocalypse is a collection of words that runs prior to each week’s PGA Tour event, mostly ABOUT that event. Reach out with your hottest takes on absolutely anything at [email protected]. We’ll publish the best emails here.
SCENE: Outrageous electric guitar music plays, I ride up on a skateboard, come to a sudden stop, chug a can of Mountain Dew, toss the can.
“Hey kids, you think golf is boring? A sport for your dad and his dumb friends? Well what if I told you that this week, WE PLAY WITH ROCKETS???!!!”
[Graphics of rockets taking off, exploding sound effects, electric guitar music intensifies, text reading “Rocket Classic” appears and for some reason it has a dripping blood effect, cut back to me and now I’m pouring an entire six-pack of Mountain Dew all over my own head]
Fine print announcer voice: “The word “rocket” refers to the lender Rocket Mortgage, not actual rockets. The event will still be boring.”
[End Scene]
Hello everyone, and welcome back to the weekly tournament previews. Despite my little joke above, I actually don’t think the Rocket Classic will be boring. And there’s one big reason for that, so let’s get into the 10 things.
1. Jackson Koivun is the jolt of energy we needed for the home stretch
Just—and I mean JUST—when you had the feeling that the exciting part of the season was behind us, we got served with a real “cometh the hour, cometh the man” situation in the form of a 21-year-old newly minted pro who looks like the greatest thing since Spieth. I was excited enough about him that I did a live blog of his first pro round at the John Deere, which was anticlimactic and led to a missed cut, but here he is, three tournaments into his career, holding off Scottie Scheffler at the 3M Open. I found Sunday’s final round completely riveting, arguably more fun than the Open, and this is at a tournament which represents one of the real low points of the tour season—that two-week Midwest stretch before you get to the playoff drama of the Wyndham, where the courses are pitch-and-putts, the field stinks and every tournament for the last 30 years has been won by Tony Finau (don’t fact check me, this is true).
Instead of that usual dull pageant, though, we got a phenom setting the scoring record against the no. 1 player in the world (I still have no idea why Scheffler played this event, and I refuse to look it up). I don’t really know anything about Koivun yet, other than what they tell us on TV—he won a lot in college, he started playing on a public course—and I can’t really tell what his personality is like beyond “very competitive,” but man, there’s something exciting about him that you can’t name. It’s not quite a Spieth-ian vibe, because he seems more consistent, but there’s that same sense that you’re watching something special.
With that win, he’s now 70th on the playoffs list, and with the top 70 making Memphis, he just has to play decent to get in and make a run at East Lake. The fact that he’s in the field this week in Detroit completely justifies the entire event and makes it appointment viewing should he get to the weekend. I don’t think I’m simply being the victim of recency bias when I predict that he’ll win by 30 shots and fix inner city crime in Detroit.
RELATED: Jackson Koivun’s Presidents Cup case isn’t complicated
2. Hey, you know what? You know what? The rest of this field ain’t half bad either!
Whatever bribe the state of Minnesota gave to Scheffler (10 million dried cod) did not carry over to Detroit, but the field isn’t quite as bad as I anticipated when I sorted by OWGR at the tourney page. Four top-ten players, including Young, Henley, Gotterup and Wyndham? Xander thrown in for good measure? SPIETH??? 30-TIME ROCKET CLASSIC WINNER TONY FINAU??????
Okay, I’ll calm down, but really, while I wouldn’t use the word “stacked” for this field, by the standards of this time of year, I think “relatively stacked” is very fair. I’m especially intrigued by the trio of Young, Gotterup and Clark, all of whom have been pretty hot of late. Young in particular had to be thinking he’d make a playoff at the Open before Fox birdied No. 18, so his first start back comes with a bit of intrigue.
3. The Jordan Spieth Sadness Index (JSSI): 10.0
We made a video about Spieth at Birkdale in 2017 ahead of the Open (you should watch it here), and in the process of researching this and re-watching the final round, I got hit by a heavy dose of Spieth Nostalgia. He truly was so magical. The end of that tournament is up there with the most incredible stretches of major golf ever, for about a dozen different reasons, and it served as a great big reminder of why he continues to live in our heads, and probably will forever. This guy could be missing cuts on the PGA Tour Americas in five years, and we’d still be mining his SG: Around the Green numbers looking for signs that he could win at Augusta. Anyway, contrasting Birkdale with whatever the hell is happening now is about as depressing as it gets. The Sadness Scale is officially maxed.
4. Who are the five most interesting guys on the playoff bubble at the Rocket?
It’s almost playoff time! And even though I never thought I’d say this, in the last couple years I’ve been getting more and more into seeing who makes the cut. Here are five guys near the 70th-place cutoff with two events left, beyond Koivun who is exactly at no. 70:
Michael Thorbjornsen – 69th – Another young guy who came in with huge expectations after a strong junior career, has had two runner-ups, but no massive breakthrough yet.
Johnny Keefer – 73rd – Yet another young guy who seems like he’s been hanging around all year, and got a T-3 at the Scottish
Keegan Bradley – 76th – Hanging around in his post-captaincy year, which deserves at least a tip of the cap.
Jackson Suber – 80th – Led the Open for a bit, but still dangerously close to me calling him “the other Jackson”
Brooks Koepka – 84th – It’s crazy to think, with how things will set up in 2027 preparing for the brand new PGA Tour in 2028, how hard it could be for Koepka to make the upper tier if he can’t get in the playoffs (and qualify for next year’s signature events) now.
5. Should they just go from the Open right to the playoffs?
Hand up, I have not delved deep into the schedule changes, but looking ahead to the coming Challenger/Champions era, I’m wondering if it just makes way more sense to go right from the Open into the playoffs, with maybe a week break tucked in there. Granted, you’d probably finish closer to mid-August than late August, and for a few reasons that might not be desirable, but at the same time, any dead time between the last major and the start of the playoffs feels like lost momentum, and just lots of time for people to forget they care about golf until the Players the next March. (Or the Ryder Cup, if it’s a Ryder Cup year.) I’ve always thought these two Midwestern weeks are pure wheel-spinning, at least before Koivun, and it seems like it would only get worse with the new schedule.
6. Ranking the sponsor’s exemptions
Liked and Subscribed – Brad Dalke – I am an unapologetic Internet Invitational stan, and Dalke was the good dad of last year’s event. Hell yes, he should get a shot!
Who? – Joe Hooks – I do not know this man.
Sounds like a stuffed animal – Ryan Ruffels – I waited in line at Target for six hours on Black Friday to get a Ryan Ruffels for my daughter
The “cross of gold” guy? – William Jennings – Wait, that was William Jennings Bryan. I have no idea who this guy is, but what’s up to the history buffs.
RELATED: Brad Dalke announces departure from Good Good Golf due to family health issues
7. What’s important to know about Detroit Golf Club?
Seems kinda better than TPC Twin Cities last week, which is low bar, but let’s see if we can find something cool in the Internet.
[Searches for six days]
Here’s a flyover video of all the holes. Apparently it’s “restored” this year. It seems very plain, though.
And here’s a Fried Egg piece about Tyler Rae’s restoration to something more closely resembling the original Ross design. And here’s another arguing that basically, the correct strategy for everyone is just hitting driver all the time.
All in all, expect a putting contest on a very flat course. Last year, only five of the 18 holes played over par.
8. One Normie Pick, One Weird Pick
I am rooting hard for the back-to-back, so my normie pick is Koivun, but my weirdo pick is Jake Knapp, who finished fourth here last year and is due for a breakout. I realize that’s borderline “weird,” but you’re going to have to deal with it, and also my endless boasting if it turns out to be right.
9. The Rogue Golf Take: Hey announcers, EVERYONE feels pressure
I wish I knew why this keeps happening: Literally every time someone is leading a golf tournament, announcers and walking reporters and everyone else feels the need to say something like, “this guy isn’t showing any signs of nerves!” Fifty percent of the time, this comes right before a total meltdown, but even when the guy goes on to win, they always say afterward that they were incredibly nervous. We saw it again on Sunday, when the narrative they pushed on was that Koivun simply couldn’t be rattled, right before he drop-kicked a 245-yard drive on 18. And he dealt with the nerves pretty well, all things considered!
The urge to paint these guys as mental supermen is ridiculous, and I can guarantee you that anyone trying to win a tournament on Sunday is feeling some level of nerves. The fact that they’re not actively pooping themselves on the course, and that they can find the wherewithal to slap a fan’s hand between holes, means nothing. Inside, they’re tense, and nobody even tries to hide it when it’s over. What are we doing here??? This must stop, especially because it’s so much more interesting to talk about how they’re handling the nerves, rather than pretending they’re immune to all pressure.
10. The Rogue Non-Golf Take: Only 33% of store workers can help you anymore
The older I get, the more my entire day can be turned around by a simple act of good customer service, which is partly because I’m undergoing the usual lame-ification process that comes with age, but partly because nobody knows anything anymore and my standards and expectations are at rock bottom. It’s especially bad at a place like Home Depot, where not only do I need you to point me to the correct aisle, but also help me answer more involved questions, like which string will actually fit the weedwacker I bought last year. Don’t make me Google this!
In my ignorance, I’m begging for an expert, and instead I get blank stares. Nothing is more heartbreaking than the blank stare, and the dawning realization that you’re screwed. It’s even worse when they try to BS you with some answer that you know has a coin flip’s chance of being right, at best. This is how you go out shopping for weedwacker string and come home with copper wire. And then cut your leg off. What happened to all the knowers???
This article was originally published on golfdigest.com
