On Wednesday at Quail Hollow, the US PGA Tour’s best and brightest were putting the finishing touches on their Wells Fargo Championship preparations. For many, that means another range session, one last check of the yardage book, and perhaps a round in the pro-am, but for Phil Mickelson – exhausted by his recent and vigorous calf workouts – it was nap time. Ah, the perks of being a legend.
There’s no problem with a 48-year-old man “resting his eyes” a bit before walking 18, of course, but unfortunately for Kevin Kyle Keanu Keith Mitchell, Phil decided to catch some Zs directly in front of his locker, leaving the 2019 Honda Classic champ hopelessly unsure of what to do about seeing the five-time Major champion curled up on top of his stuff. Being the rational modern man that he is, Mitchell turned to Instagram for help:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw7Ll0TFene/?utm_source=ig_embed
In the post, Mitchell lays out his three increasingly desperate options:
1.) Wake up Phil and get put in a chokehold when his karate instincts naturally kick in.
2.) Play the pro-am in his street shoes.
3.) Loudly discuss “Avengers: Endgame” spoilers with Lucas Glover in an attempt to wake Phil. (Also a good way to get yourself put in a chokehold.)
Adding even more anxiety to this already pretty awkward social stew is the fact that Keith isn’t even sure if Phil knows his name, hashtagging the post #wonderifheknowsmynameiskeithandnotkevin in reference to just about everybody on earth botching his name in the wake of the greatest achievement of his life earlier this year.
Unsurprisingly, Instagram wasn’t much help, suggesting that Mitchell tie Phil’s shoelaces together, loudly discuss Tiger’s greatness, and engage in other assorted forms of professional and perhaps actual suicide. In the end, we don’t know what Mitchell decided to do, but if you hear about him playing the pro-am in a pair of Air Maxes, expect Phil to be rested and ready to go come the first round.
