About 10 or 11 years ago, I got one of the most coveted invitations I could possibly dream of – an invitation to the world-famous Rao’s in East Harlem, N.Y. I remember my heart skipping a beat, then quickly realizing the pickle I was in.
Still in the early stages of dating my now-wife, we had planned to go out to dinner that same evening back home in New Jersey (I was working in Westchester, N.Y., at the time). Since we weren’t living together and both always working and busy, it was difficult to see each other on non-weekend days, so weeknights when we could go out were coveted … much like an invite to a NYC institution.
Knowing the headache-inducing conversation this would cause, I had a brief lapse in judgement and replied to the person inviting me thanks, but no thanks, I have dinner planned with my girlfriend. It took me about 10 minutes to realize the error of my ways, enough time for the Rao’s invite to have been gobbled up by someone else. Fortunately, that was not the case, and I was able to explain to my very understanding future wife, a fellow lover of Italian food, that this was not the type of restaurant invitation you pass up. And that she also was not invited. We’re still together, thankfully. And Rao’s was incredible.
As golfers, we’ve all found ourselves in similar situations. Ones where you get that text or THE call to play the top 100 you’ve still yet to check off your list. Situations like my friend Cons found himself in earlier this week:
Just got invited for 18 at Philly Cricket
Had to pass due to a meeting somewhere that’s been months in the making that I absolutely cannot move
I just hope the golf gods smile on me once again someday pic.twitter.com/EzzDTRGJ1K
— Cons (@CaptainCons) October 5, 2026
Am I comparing Philly Cricket Club to Rao’s? No, a designation like that may have to go to a place like Pine Valley. That said, Philly Cricket’s Wissahickon Course is ranked 120th in Golf Digest’s America’s Second 100 Greatest and fifth in all of Pennsylvania. It is very firmly in the “hard to pass up” camp, even though you’ll find people in the replies to Cons’ tweet calling it overrated. People say the same about Rao’s. People are stupid.
I wondered if Cons, like I did with Rao’s, had that moment of immediate regret, in addition to all the other thoughts that race through your head when something like this falls in your lap and you squander it away. Will I ever get an opportunity to play this specific course again? Is the person who invited me going to be offended I said no to their top-200 course in the country? Are they going to have the best day ever and remind me about it every time they see me the rest of my life? Will this person mark this as “strike one” in a three-strike invite policy? Is this work meeting THAT important?!?!
In talking to Cons, and in talking to a member of a top 100 course in New Jersey, I learned that type of thinking is main character syndrome at its finest. A reminder that we’re all overthinkers who are not nearly as special as we think. Or maybe that’s just me.
“The invite came from a member that my buddy hosted at our club for the member-guest,” Cons said. “We played together and had an excellent time, so I trust another invite will materialize in the spring. Especially given my proximity to Philly.”
The last point is a good one. The closer you are to this potential invite, the higher the chance it finds your inbox again. Cons added that while the member was certainly bummed he couldn’t make it, he trusts he wasn’t that distraught over it. Nor was Cons, who knew moving this work meeting was far more trouble than it was worth.
In talking to a member of a top 100 in N.J., one who has countless guests at his prestigious club, I learned it all depends on who has been invited.
“If it’s a favor I’m doing for somebody, or people I don’t know but somebody asks me to have, it’s a relief [when they can’t make it],” the member said. “But if it’s someone I know and I want to play golf with, I think, OK, we’ll just find another day.”
In fairness, this member is a rather agreeable guy. Not the type to hold a grudge or even remember who said no and when. I did, however, ask him if he would ever invoke a three-strike policy—after three “no’s” to an invite, you’re out for good.
“You know, I’ve never thought of that. It usually doesn’t happen, people normally want to get out,” he said. “After a while, though, if you keep inviting people and they find reasons not to go, yeah, I probably would stop inviting. That’s a good point.”
In other words, none of us are that special. If you keep surrounding yourself with the right people and get on well, the invites will keep on coming. Philly Cricket will still be there. That said, I certainly wouldn’t run the risk of strikes two and three going forward.
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This article was originally published on golfdigest.com
