Why the better you get, the harder the mental game becomes.
One of my clients – a scratch golfer who’d come through the junior ranks and was working towards his PGA of Australia card – said something in our first session that I’ve thought about many times since.
“When I was a kid learning the game, I loved every minute of it. Now I dread certain shots. I don’t even know when that changed.”
When we unpacked it together, the shift was clear. Somewhere between enthusiastic beginner and aspiring professional, he’d stopped playing golf to get better and started playing to not fall short of who he was now supposed to be. The pressure he felt wasn’t coming from his coach, his family or anyone else. It was entirely self-inflicted.
His game had quietly shifted from growth to holding. And holding, it turns out, is exhausting.
The better you get, the more you have to lose
This is one of the less-discussed truths in golf psychology: the higher you climb, the harder the mental game often becomes. Not because elite golfers are mentally weaker, but because they’ve built an identity around performing well. When a scratch player makes a double-bogey, it doesn’t just affect the scorecard, it threatens something deeper.
For a beginner, a bad shot is just a bad shot. For someone with a reputation to protect, a bad shot becomes evidence – about ability, about belonging and about whether the standard can be maintained. The scorecard stops being information and starts being a verdict.
And as we explored in the March issue, the nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a physical threat and a psychological one. Identity threat activates the same tightening, narrowing, over-controlling response that hijacks your swing on the first tee. The better you are, the more easily that threat is triggered – and the more it costs you.
Holding vs growing
My client could describe exactly what holding felt like: a constant low-level monitoring of his game, braced for the shot that would confirm his fears. He wasn’t playing to score well; he was playing to avoid playing badly. They sound similar. They feel completely different, and they produce very different golf.
Playing to grow – the orientation he’d had as a junior – is curious, experimental, forward-facing. Mistakes are data. A wayward shot is interesting rather than catastrophic. There’s an openness to the round that allows the nervous system to stay out of threat mode.
Playing to hold is the opposite. It’s defensive golf played from the inside out, and the cruel irony is that it doesn’t even work. When improvement takes a back seat to self-protection, you don’t stay still. You slowly contract.
Replace control with curiosity
The work we did together wasn’t about lowering his standards. It was about returning to the orientation he’d had when he first fell in love with the game – when golf was something he was exploring, not defending.
The perfectionist’s internal question is usually some version of: “Will I do this well enough?” That’s a judgement question. It keeps attention fixed on the outcome and activates exactly the threat response we don’t want.
A curiosity question looks different: “What does this shot need?” or “Where am I starting this ball?” It’s practical, present-focused and, crucially, it doesn’t require you to be good. It just requires you to be here.
One thing to try
Before your next round, ask yourself honestly: am I going out to play or am I going out to hold?
If it’s the latter, pick one thing you’re genuinely curious about in your game. A shot shape you’re working on. A tempo change. Something to explore rather than protect. Give yourself permission to be a learner again – not instead of your standards, but underneath them.
My client still has high standards. He’s still working towards his card. But he described a recent round to me where, for the first time in years, he said he actually enjoyed competing. Not because he played perfectly, but because he’d stopped bracing for imperfection.
That’s the shift. And it’s available to any golfer willing to trade a little control for a lot more curiosity.
Annabel Rolley (Registered Psychologist | B. Bus (Sport Mgt), B. Sci (Psych), Grad. Dip. Psych (Adv.), M. Prof. Psych) has a perspective on performance that is as rare as it is relevant. A PGA of Australia member and experienced coach, she helps athletes and high performers navigate pressure, confidence and anxiety – on the course and in life (visit annabelrolleypsychology.com).
Photo by Getty Images/raymond davies
