Five years after bursting onto the scene with his New Zealand Open win, Zach Murray is becoming comfortable again with his place in world golf
I used to spew before golf, I would get myself that nervous. Thankfully it’s a lot nicer to be able to wake up and eat breakfast now because I used to not be able to eat. Mum and Dad always said to me, “The reason you’re like this is because it means something to you.”
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The panic-attack stuff started before COVID. I can’t really pinpoint the first one I had. I probably had them when I was younger, but there was no label on it, so I didn’t know what they were. Once they started to get pretty severe, I started to fear it happening, and then it just happens all the time. It really became quite debilitating. I couldn’t go to the supermarket on my own and I just really feared being on my own. Super-strange how the brain works. It’s crazy how your thoughts can manifest into something and cause you to feel a certain way. I can’t remember when they first started to become really bad, but it was honestly a bit of a blur there.
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You probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if you didn’t know that I was having troubles. I’ve never really struggled with telling people what’s going on because I’ve grown up being an anxious and nervous kid. There were times when I’d be two or three holes into playing the club comp at Wodonga and I’d just feel so nervous and sick that I’d walk off the course. I didn’t know what was going on. When I was 12 or 13 years old, I’d spew on the third hole and then go home.
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I’m super-happy now. I’m going good. There are still things I struggle with, but not enough to affect my life.
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My girlfriend, Amy, has travelled with me for the best part of the past five years pretty much full-time. I wouldn’t be here without her support on the road. I’ve always struggled with the travel, so to have her there has been really good.
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At the start of last year, coming back from my own personal troubles and bits and pieces, my expectations were pretty low. I was just trying to get to tournaments and play, and I played fairly decent. As I started to get better results, my expectations rose a little bit. I started to feel more comfortable and I was enjoying the travel. But my golf dropped off a little just because of the expectation and maybe thinking about it a little too much.
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The statistics tell me that in every aspect of my game, I got better in Asia last year. Technically I’m better; I’m working harder with my coach, Marty Joyce. All aspects of it are better than they were in 2021 and 2022, so I’ve got a lot of positivity towards 2024. I feel like I’ve got to let go a little bit and just play. Sometimes in this game you can hold on a little too tight and fear the bad result. Ultimately, the best players in the game back their ability and back the hard work they’ve put in and just go and play. I’ve always struggled with that sort of internal chatter and backing myself.
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When I won the WA Open and New Zealand Open, I just didn’t care if I lost. I was purely playing to win. As you play the game more as a professional, you have to continue that journey of playing to win. If you put in the work and you’re getting better across the board, there’s no reason not to play to win. I mean, 20th and 30th are great results, but it doesn’t get you where you want to be.
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A lot of the struggles that I went through with the mental stuff has really helped me with getting over stuff in golf. I don’t dwell on it as much anymore. I very much analyse it in a, What can I do to be better? or Do I really need to analyse this at all? I used to think about something all day and all night until it basically made me sick. Whereas now, if there’s something that’s bothering me, I try my best to give it 24-48 hours until it doesn’t become so emotional. If I feel s–t, it’s like I’ve got to feel better. But maybe you’ve got to feel like that for a bit to process it and get through it.
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You can’t always run away from feeling s–t. That’s something I’ve learned a lot through this, and it’s certainly helped me on the golf course. Yes, I’ve got to take on the game more and I’ve got to be more aggressive and back myself in, but man, from where I was two years ago to how I played on the Asian Tour last year, it’s chalk and cheese. I just know that I need to go further with it to become a better player.
Getty images: Quality Sport Images
