It’s a big day. History has been made. Our brave new future has finally arrived. The earth’s last remaining professional golfer without a social media presence has logged on. His name? Hideki Matsuyama.
That’s right. Overnight, the 2021 Masters champ signed up for not just Twitter, but Instagram as well. There’s no TikTok just yet, but hey, gotta build some anticipation right? You can’t give everybody everything they want whenever they want it. Patience is a virtue. Christmas Eve is actually better than Christmas Day. We don’t need to explain it. You’re an adult. You get it.
Interestingly enough, while Matsuyama has launched his official accounts, he has yet to break the ice on Twitter. Oddsmakers are scrambling to figure out what he’ll post first. We’d put a montage of him dropping his club on perfect shots at 2-to-1, with a guest post from viral superstar caddie Shota Hayafuji – last seen shirtless at the Presidents Cup, body adorned in autographs – providing an interesting longshot option at 7-to-1.
Either way, welcome to hell, er, Twitter, Hideki. Remember that your likes are public, tour footage is copyrighted, and under no circumstances should comments ever be read. Beyond that, have fun, stay safe, and enjoy the ride. Sincerely, Sheriff Homa.